REWIND...Part 1

So I probably should have posted how this all began before my last blog. But everything happens for a reason. It was on my heart this morning to share what happened to me on Thursday. I am going to attempt to rewind and share more of my experience with you.

My History

I am new to God (Read My Description). Since the age of ten, my weekend routine has been: Party Friday night and Saturday night, have fun doing whatever, and on Sunday get up and go to church! Most of the time I was in church all day. Church was suppose to start at 10am or was it 10:30 am...anyway it never really started until 11am. So that was when I would go...at 11am. No matter how much I drank or screamed the prior night, I was in church. Now many of you can say that your grandmother told you, "If you can stay out all night long, partying you can get your but up and go to church." For me, I was the leader of the pack. It wasn't until I took the brave step to join church that my mom and grand mom followed suit. Eventually, my grandmother and mom could utter that phrase to me.lol

As I grew up I had began to sing more and more. My and a couple of the guys at church sang in a Scholarship Choir founded by Albertina Walker (Queen of Gospel). That was my first time meeting a celeb. It was fun, maybe too fun. It didn't last long though, the more members we added the harder it was to keep us under control. I never will forget the evening I met one of the best alto singers in the world to me. Of course I was like 12 or 13 so what did I know. She came to rehearsal one evening with members from her church or singing group. I guess they were came to help us out. I won't lie we was kinda offended....then when she opened her mouth I was like WOW!!! She sang "Thank You" and her name was Faith Edwards.

The song went like this:

Tragedies are a common place, all kinds of diseases people are slipping away.

The economies down people cant get enough pay, as for me..all I can say is

Thank you lord for all you've done for me!

She could sing the heck outta that song. And to show you how God works, she sings with the praise team at the church I go to now, and every now again the pastor passes her the mic. I was amazed to see her...she probably wouldn't recognize me, but Faith Edwards...hot darn.lol

Anyway, I spent years singing in the choirs at church and going to church outings. Back then it was fun to go to other churches. We would go sing our hardest and "shut it down". That was our goal back then. It's a shame, but that's real talk. We wanted to blow everyone out, even our own choirs. We claimed the spirit was just on us. We did all the rocks, new claps, hooping and hollering...and had fun. The choir brought us all together, like a family. Every once and a while someone would catch the spirit. The older I got I began to feel like the spirit wasn't in the church unless people were shouting, screaming, dancing or running. I use to grab the mic and walk the aisles practically begging people to worship. It was like something in my head would say, grab the mic.lol

That's why I say I was never too far from God. As years passed college was over, my life had changed, I was becoming comfortable in my own skin. After a relationship went soar and everything else in my life began to cave in, I left the church and God. I never cursed him, but I felt like he was ignoring me. I felt like he turned his back on me. All the things I was going through at the time...I kept telling myself, if god would just do this! I knew that all God had to do was change the outcome of things and would be okay. But those thoughts quickly became dreams. Life was real...I was losing it all...I was depressed and had no one or nothing.

See I'm one of those people that keeps everything inside. I deal with things alone and I am quick to figure it out and move on. I guess that's the only child syndrome. But I wasn't spoiled like people thought. I didn't ask my mom or grand parents for anything. I always worked it out.

2009 was cool, but I told myself that I needed to go back to church. I had gotten lazy and I knew better. I wanted to pay tithes again and go somewhere I could be comfortable at and really get to know God. See I know the power in paying tithes...i was incredibly blessed at one time and I attributed to my faithfulness in paying tithes. As usual I write a list of things I want to accomplish in the next year. I type them out at the beginning of each year and I post it somewhere that I am forced to look at them all the time. From past experiences it seems like the method to my madness worked. By the end of a year would have completed several things on my list. Number one in 2010 was getting back in church and God. Number 2 was to pay tithes faithfully.

Now in 2010 I have accomplished both...I'm still working to finish out the year strong, but I have no doubts I will.

"The Chase"
- Nikki B. -

The Encounter

May 3, 2010

Preface: Thursday night is now the only day of the week I am pumped up for....Bible Study!! Yesterday was no different than any other Thursday; I get off work and go straight there to get me a parking spot that's not 1 mile away and a seat. So technically, Bible study is over. It's time to bring up you tithes/offering and then head out. Due to the massive amount of people that come out it usually takes about 10 minutes for this to get done. In the meantime we all continue to sing and praise God. Like any other Thursday I always hang around after we are dismissed, partially because I want to be in the presence of God as long as I can and secondly, they get it in even harder when people leave. Now keep in mind this is all new to me. I have never seeked or experienced god like this!! THIS IS ALL NEW!!

The Encounter:

The building is now half empty but full. lol.. People are still singing and worshipping, the praise team and musicians haven't missed one note. Then he says "For the rest of you that are still here, line up in this aisle. I'm going to lay hands with this blessed oil." So immediately my "Inside Self" was like WHAT!!! I'm sitting there thinking what do I do now...with my eyes on everyone around me. I see them rush to the aisle. I sat there on the pew in awe... just looking. A young lady slides pass me, she looks back at me and gestures for me to come on. I looked at her, smiled and got up. We headed to the aisle.

There are so many people in the aisle already that it was like merging into traffic during construction on 290.lol... We stood there with Gods praises still on our lips. Let me stop and say this, I have never praised god like this!!! I have learned how to praise God over the last six months. Initially I was ashamed, bashful and scared. Then I noticed that all the people around me could care less what I was doing, they were too wrapped up in their own quality time with God. I noticed how different everyone was, I'm talking young, old, older, sick, healthy, motorcycle riders, college students, public school students, hair stylist, reformed drug abusers, reformed thugs, and to top it all off a WHOLE LOT OF MEN! Which is unusual in church. Usually there are more women then men. These are not just the suit and tie men....these are men that you can tell have learned life lessons and can praise God now. So I started praising by repeating whatever the praise team sang, then whatever he said, then I started listening to others, then I just put it all together and WAA-LA...now I'm praising God!lol.. Back to the story....

So I'm waiting for the line to move, but I'm not really focused on it cuz I'm praising God. Then I looked closer and began to notice something strange. He had several people around him as he laid hands and they all began to walk further from the aisle we were standing in. I was confused...First, where did all the people around him come from? I thought he was just gonna rub some oil on my head. Second, If the line is over here, why is he going over there? And why are all those people trailing him? Why do we have to walk from here to there? This is just a little bit of what was running through my mind. My focused changed immediately, now I was trying to figure this all out.

The line began to move slowly, and I looked closer and closer....Still I couldn't tell what was going on. All I saw was him and his crew pacing from one side of the alter to the other. My heart began to beat fast...I was nervous...flustered because of the unseen. The praise team was still singing so I tried to focus on what I heard to distract my heart and the fear that was emerging. I listened to those around me cry, speak in tongues, sing and praise god. I started to sing....to keep my mind clear. Then he said "Let me hear you praise God, when you praise him I get strength!"

So now I'm like..STRENGTH!!???? Strength to do what?! But none the less I did what was asked of me. I belted out "HALLELUJAH" "YOUR WORTHY"....see Bible study taught me that when I'm feeling uncomfortable or out of my comfort zone in church, that's when I should go deeper in praise...don't run from it...embrace it..push your self to chase after him.

So I stood there praising god, although I was scared to death of what was to come. Finally the line began to move...but just like in traffic, you roll for a little bit and then all of a sudden your stopped again. So I'm getting closer and closer...when I saw the bodies! Yes bodies...people were laid out around the alter. That's why him and his crew continued to move around, they were making room!! OMG.............what have I gotten myself into!

You talk about fear! My fear level was off the charts! My heart was beating and my "Inside Self" began to speak to God..."God I'm scared, I am afraid!" What do I do? I don't know what to do here?" The fear became overwhelming...I couldn't cry, I couldn't praise I was in a trans almost...my legs didn't want to move...I felt like turning around...

Then I looked to the left of me and there was a young girl, maybe in her teens...she was weeping...I mean you could see her soul in those tears. She moved with the line and I felt her need for his touch...So I told myself, surely if she can do this, my 30yr old self can too. Her compassion compelled my legs too keep moving.

I moved closer...then we stopped...I saw the first lady standing to the far side of him and his crew, I was getting closer. She stood there with her arms folded and you could see concentration in her face. Him and his crew went to the far side of the alter and motioned for people to come. Many went ahead of me....my group was next!

They motioned for us to come to them. So I let as many as I could go before me! I heard the men in his crew say watch your step. I stepped pass women, teens and this BIG OLE DUDE all sprawled out on the floor,. Some crying, others speaking and some lifeless. I'll never forget the BID OLE DUDE. He was like 6'9, big and stocky...Like one of those strongest men the world kinda dudes! He took up like the entire front of the alter. All I could think was the power took that big dude down, what is it going to do to me...Nonetheless I kept walking...strategically stepping around people.

He touched everyone in front of me...it was a quick touch..it looked pretty harmless and easy..so I took a breathe...then he looked at me and with a half smile, his teeth were as bright as ever.. He said " Don't be scared" and he put his soft hand on my head..."He said God is Real" and he took both his hands and pressed them on my head and he began to speak in tongues. It was as if he couldn't let me go. Like he saw something inside of me....I felt a whole lot of something...a tingling burning sensation...and my needs buckled...he continued...and I buckled more and I felt a soft hand squeeze my hand, a firm hand around my waist. A sign that I was not alone... He stopped...I felt like laying out but I struggled to walked away... I guess a little stubbornness was there.

I walked away different though....with an energy inside me that was overwhelming...I rushed to the pew to sit and I closed my eyes. I sat there lifeless, with my eyes closed, my head back and my arms stretched out like after a drug addict shots up. I started shaking my leg faster and faster, and I couldn't get rid of the burning.... I opened my eyes and said Yes God.


"The Chase"
-Nikki B.-